Krabby Daddy
by John Hitchcock
Summary: The Krusty Krab gets an unexpected "customer."


It was another day of business as usually at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs was in his office counting up his money, Squidward as asleep on the job (again) and Spongebob Squarepants was over-enthusiastically cooking the next round of Krabby Patties. Seemed like a normal day for the residents of Bikini Bottom.

Then they heard the sounds of lumbering footsteps, and moaning that sounded like a whale, except not comprehensible. The footsteps shuddered to the ground as a hulking mass approached the door to the Krusty Krab and smashed through, knocking the doors off their hinges and completely destroying the upper doorframe.

It looked like a giant bipedal figure, but not like anything anyone in Bikini Bottom had seen before. This one was a hulking behemoth that easily dwarfed customers of the Krusty Krab. It looked almost metallic, like it was dressed in some kind of suit. Where its face would be, there was only a giant metal helmet adorned with a set of portholes, each of which glowed an orangey-yellow color. Behind it was a little girl who had glowing eyes and was holding what appeared to be a giant syringe. Probably the most distinguishing feature was the massive drill attached to its arm.

The massive creature stopped at the cash register. By now it had been noticed by all the other customers, who looked up from their Krabby Patties in sheer astonishment. That is, with the exception of Squidward who had not stirred and remained completely oblivious.

Squidward half-woke and looked at it, completely unphased by what was in front of him.

"Hi, welcome to the Krusty Krab" Squidward muttered, with almost perfect motonony. "How may I help you today."

He was greeted with a loud and barely comprehensible moan.

"Would you like fries with that?"

"Daddy," the Little Girl said. "There is ADAM here!"

"Whatever," Suidward muttered as he lay back against the window.

Suddenly Spongebob appeared in the serving window looking super enthusiastic.

"DID YOU SAY ADAM! WHY IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT THAT'S THE SECRET INGREDIANT TO-"

Completely defying the laws of physics, Mr. Krabs barreled out of the cash register and lunged at Spongebob, wrapping a claw around his mouth.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, BOYO!" Mr. Krabs yelled.

What Mr. Krabs did not see was the girl wandering through the door into the kitchen. Making her way to the refrigerator in the back where the frozen Krabby Patties were kept.

Spongebob turned in shock as he saw the girl standing over a pile of Krabby Patties, and she had injected her syringe into them. She started singing.

"Um… excuse me," Spongebob said, super quietly. "Um… you're not supposed to be back here. Could you just-"

He was cut off when a massive drill suddenly embedded itself into him. He laughed. "That tickles."

Suddenly the drill revved up and spun Spongebob around, splitting him into four pieces and scattering them across the kitchen.

"Hey, what's the big idea," Mr. Krabs yelled as he leapt through the serving window and approached the hulking figure. "That's me fry cook you got there! And you gotta pay for those."

"By now the girl was already finished with her Krabby Patty mountain and had removed all the ADAM.

"HEY! Ye're taking me Secret Ingriedient!"

Unknown to Krabs, he was heard across the street at the Chum Bucket, where Plankton had devised a new scheme to find out the secret ingredient to the Krabby Patty. He built an enormous boom mic and lowered it right over the Krusty Krab, just in time to hear the scuffle between Krabs and his new "custom ers."

"So someone's figured out the secret ingredient?"

"Not this again, Plankton," muttered Karen.

"I'm going to find that customer and _make _him tell me the secret ingredient."

Plankton walked out the door and made his way across the street.

As the big hulking creature stepped out of the Kitchen Spongebob approached Mr. Krabs.

"Gee, Mr. Krabs. What was that?"

"I don't know, but it's got me secret ingredient!"

He ran through the door and approached the metallic entity. "NOW LISTEN YE-"

He was cut off by the sight of Plankton, who was eyeing down the massive creature, or at least as much as one could do when they can't see the eyes of the other person.

"THERE YOU ARE! I KNOW YOU HAVE THE SECRET INGREDIENT FOR THE KRABBY PATTY, AND YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME!"

His attention turned to the little girl, and the syringe she was holding.

"AH HA!" Plankton lunged for the syringe, "The Secret Formula will be MINE-"

He suddenly felt the tip of a drill embed itself into him, and come out of his chest. He screamed in pain as he was thrown onto the floor, and then felt one large metallic boot stomping on him.

"OWWWW!" He yelled.

The lumbering mass then walked out of the Krusty Krab, through the large opening it had created. The Little Girl happily following him.

Mr. Krabs was fuming. "He didn't even give me any money! I'll get you for that! Where did you even come from anyway?"

"I don't know, Mr. Krabs," Spongebob said, obviously puzzled. Then it hit him.

"Maybe he's from that giant underwater city outside!"

"Wait, what?"

Spongebob led Mr. Krabs into the kitchen and out the back door. Sure enough, about three feet away there was a giant city that easily dwarfed Bikini Bottom.

"How'd I not notice this before?" Mr. Krabs muttered.

Spongebob noticed what looked like an old wrecked bathysphere, but with a screen still working. Amazingly, there was Patrick, watching the film strip. It appeared to be a slide show accompanied by narration.

"Hello," the voice said. "I am Andrew Ryan…"

"Well nice to meet you," Patrick said. "My name is Patrick."

"…and I'm here to ask you a question…"

"Yeah, sure."

"Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow!"

"NO!" Patrick yelled. "NO HE IS NOT! I WILL NOT LET THAT MAN HAVE THE SWEAT OF HIS BROW! THE SWEAT OF HIS BROW IS MINE! AND MINE ALONE! HOW DARE YOU SAY IT BELONGS TO HIM WHEN I HAD IT FIRST! IF I CAN'T HAVE IT, NOBODY CAN!"

Patrick immediately grabbed the screen and threw it into the bathysphere.

"Showed you."

"Wait, this gives me an idea…" Mr. Krabs said, with a smile.

The next day at the Krusty Krab, the line was unexpectedly long. The next person in line was a man who seemed to be heavily mutated.

"Hi, can I get a double Krabby Patty with extra ADAM!"

"ORDER UP!" Yelled Spongebob as he leapt through the serving window with the Splicer's order.

Meanwhile, one of the regular customers was examining the newly-installed vending machine. As he approached, he heard the automated voice saying "Welcome to the Circus of Value!" He stared at it, before finally putting money in to get an Eve Hypo, which he then injected into his fin.

"THIS IS AMAZING!"

NOW THIS IS BUSINESS!" Mr. Krabs said enthusiastically as he was approached by the next person in line. It was the large creature and the Little Girl again.

"Hi," said the girl. "Can I get a Krabby Patty? And Mr. B would like some Kelp Fries!"

"HEY!" Mr. Krabs yelled. "YOU STILL OWE ME!"

The little girl dropped some money on the floor.

"Oh, never mind, then. HA! That sucker Andrew Ryan thought he was so clever building his city. Well, I showed HIM!"

Suddenly Krabs' phone rang, and he reached into his pocket and picked it up.

"Hello?"

He was startled by the voice on the other end, which seemed to be speaking with an Irish accent.

"Would you kindly burn down your restaurant?"

The person on the other end hung up. Mr. Krabs stared in bewilderment.


End file.
